If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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