I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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