I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
