Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wish my penis had a tongue
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
