Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
