the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
