Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
