pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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