two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
