I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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