I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
