i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
