There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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