if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
