Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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