Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
sex in a hospital.. check
Randomize
