There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
