Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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