what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
