Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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