"it" just moved
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
