R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
