Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
