I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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