i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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