So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
