You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
