i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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