Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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