So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
