He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
