Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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