she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
