Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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