It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
