i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
