i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
