I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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