Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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