He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
