Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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