I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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