Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
