I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
