I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
