we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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