You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
