I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
