I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
