Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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